Recently, one of my favorite people in the world sent me an email.  She described an amazing compliment she had received from a teenager she has loved and in whom she has invested her life.  Here is part of her email:

A few days ago, my friend was going through my infinite strands of cheap jewelry.  She blessed me with a wonderful compliment (coming from a teenager).  She said, “You are the coolest person I know”. 

Then she went on to blow me away with her words, saying:

Of course I was pumped all day.  I didn’t delve too deep into what all she meant.  It could have just been my junk jewelry collection.  But it got me thinking.  Who is the coolest person I know?  I have a number of really unique women friends.  I had to think for a while but the verdict was “unanimous”.  YOU are the coolest person I know!  Absolutely, without a doubt.  You show your humanness without restraint.  You have a deep spiritual magnetism that draws people to Jesus.  You delightfully show God’s joy, fun and sense of humor.  I love that the world doesn’t scare you to death.  You don’t run away from it.  Plus, you dress cute ;>) 

Okay, needless to say I was floored, flabergasted, and waaay flattered.  So, why am I telling you about it?  Just because I want anyone glancing at my blog to know how great I think I am?  Not entirely.  I share it partly because it was such an encouragment to me.  This friend knows that I am going through some difficult things that have continued for what seems like an eternity.  And she spoke words of life to my soul.  She loved me well in doing so.  Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.”  She used that power well.  We never know how much a small word of encouragement, praise, or love can mean to those around us.

The other reason is the I want to hear from you.  Who is the “coolest person you know?”  What is it that makes them unique and wonderful?

The friend who wrote me (Janet!) is whimsical, uninhibited, artistic, funny, caring, sensitive, young-at-heart.  She dances at concerts.  She dresses in an eclectic, one-of-a-kind style.  She is unafraid to be herself and speaks her mind even when she knows others will not agree.  She has raised two boys and is an extremely fun grandmother.  She has written and published a book.  She loves life and lives it to the fullest.  I love her with all my heart, and I think I have to agree with her young teenage friend that she is the coolest person I know.

Hmmmm.  Of course, I do know many other very extremely cool people.  Maybe I’ll have to start a regular blog post about them. . .  But, oh yeah, tell me about your cool people.

I am a part-time mental health professional, that is when I’m not talking “pokemon” with my 8 year old, going to pet stores with my 6 year old, reading about princesses with my 4 year old, or going to eat yummy Thai food with my hubby.  Last week, as part of a new initiative to work harder and do a better job of saving the lives of those who are suicidally depressed, our entire staff participated in a day-long seminar about the prevention of suicide.  The information is so crucial I want to pass it along.

Although the topic is not a fun one to talk about, knowing the signs of a person who is at high risk to attempt to take his or her own life, can go a long way in preventing that tragedy.  Over the past year, in the small community in which I live, one teenage girl shot and killed herself, my neighbor’s son hung himself, and another neighbor down the street unsuccessfully attempted to kill himself by gunwound.  Undoubtedly and tragically, the same is true nearly everywhere.

The following facts are reported by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.  More than 32,000 suicides occurred in the United States in 2005.  This equals 89 suicides per day; one suicide every 16 minutes, or 11.01 suicides per 100,000 population.  Worldwide the facts are even more startling.  Every year 1 million people worldwide purposefully take their own lives.  To bring this closer to home, within the county in which I live, 35 people take their lives each year.  That is one person in my county every 10 days. 

The Surgeon General has called on all health workers to make a concerted effort to lower these numbers.  One of the things you can do, even if you are not in the health field, is the increase your own understanding of the signs and risk factors of a person who is considering suicide.  You will be better equipped to notice these signs and take them seriously when you see them in a neighbor, friend, co-worker, or family member.  Of course, if you do find yourself as part of a support system for someone who is suicidal, be sure that person is under the care of a qualified psychiatrist or other mental health professional.

Here are the strong predictors of suicide or risk factors, as agreed upon by many experts in the field:  psychiatric disorders, past history of attempted suicide, genetic predisposition, impulsivity, intense hopelessness, loss of pleasure, loss of ability to react to positive events, mood cycling (this cycling is from dark to darker to darkest and back again), depressive turmoil (likened to a motor running inside turning over the thoughts of death constantly), unusual or pyschotic thinking (believing things that are not true, such as “this will never change.”), immediate triggers, such as anything causing public humiliation, increased alcohol or drug use, and making a plan (including an impulsive purchase of a firearm or other means of killing oneself or giving away prized possessions.)

Clearly, depression is the mother of suicide, whether that depression takes the form of a depressive disorder, bi-polar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, or any other psychiatric illness.

Horrifically, 75% of patients deny any suicidality immediately before they take their own life.  This means that just because a person tells you they will not take their life does not mean they are safe.  Therefore, it is not good enough for a person to deny suicidality. 

Here are a few more simple things you can understand if you are faced with helping a person through the risk of self-harm. (And please remember, it is absolutely imperative that the person receive professional mental health treatment. Over 90% of people with complete suicides have a diagnosable, treatable psychiatric illness.) With that said, the goal of the professional and the person’s support system should be to increase supports and lower risk factors. In other words, there are very measurable things that can be done to lessen the risk for a completed suicide, such as, among others, making sure lethal means are inaccessible, increasing emotional support and the individual’s sense of being needed within a community, treatment for alcoholism or drug use, and effective and correct dosages of medications.

God forbid that anyone would be reading this while contemplating taking his or her precious life.  But if you are, I urge you to call 1-800-SUICIDE.  This is a crisis hotline that is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and you will be connected to a hotline nearest you.  There is hope.  There is help, no matter how black it may seem at this time.  I am a living testament.  I was at a hopeless place in my life 18 years ago, where I truly thought nothing good would ever come to me again.  I truly wanted to die, to be erased from the earth.  Not only have I found help and hope, but I also lead a full, rich, challenging life.  God truly deliverd my soul from death.  There is a thief, and his name is Satan.  He loves nothing more than to steal, kill, and destroy.  I pray for you now that God’s mighty hand will deliver you as he has me.

And if you are suffering from the loss of someone you love to suicide, my heart goes out deeply to you.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  You are not alone in your grief, and although time may not heal your wound, it will certainly make it more bearable.  You may find this website called Survivors of Suicide to have some helpful resources or stories.

Finally, if you want to learn more or find out a way you can be active in raising awareness and saving lives, check out the website of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Friendship is a sheltering tree.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

(The picturer is entitled Serengeti by Lorne Resnick, and can be found at Allposters.)

A few years ago a dear friend sent me a card with this inscription on it: “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you forget the words.”

This soul sister of mine was telling me that I am that kind of friend for her. The truth is that I am rich with friends of that kind. Think about it - to have someone know the song in your heart. Wow. Someone who sees you and knows you, someone who “gets” you deep down, and who loves to listen to the song your life sings. To even have one friend of that caliber in a lifetime would be a blessing that many do not experience. And I can say I have been blessed with a handful.

One of them sang the song back to me today, when I had forgotten the words. I woke up to a full day ahead, and I was already weary from a long week. As I went to check my email, I found one from a kindred spirit from my college days. She reminded me of a Psalm I had shared with her years ago. Within Psalm 46 is a lovely, warm, sweet, and powerful verse, which had spoken deeply to me many years earlier in my story. During that time, though I do not even remember this, I had shared with this friend the meaningfulness of this Psalm, and I had sung a song to her by the same title.

Verse 4 says, “There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.” Oh, how glorious - there really is a river. That river is Jesus. He makes us glad. This friend reminded me of these beautiful verses today, but more importantly, she reminded me of the song in my own heart, the song that had spoken that Psalm to her years ago. Here are some of her words to me:

I'll never forget one time when you were telling me about the meaning
of Psalm 46 and sang the song....
it was so precious, so real, so comforting and yet, powerful too.
I want to say you were a flight attendant at that time? Anyway, I
just remember that I felt God's presence in such a sweet way and that
song and Psalm will always be powerful and sweet mixed together:)
So, all that to say.... Psalm 46 and you go together... thank you for
being a refreshment ... a blessing.. to so many.... and for a being a
dear friend.

It was a reminder of the song God has placed in me. And today I felt like anything but a “blessing” or “refreshment to others.” So, this friend remembered the words of that song and she sang them back to me. And the refreshment was mine.

What about you? Do you remember the song in your heart? Do you have friends that sing it back to you when you forget? If not, that would be a great thing to ask for.

I so wish I could play part of the song for you, but it is too old to be available on MP3. (You can check out the old 1992 album called Coram Deo here - the song is called “There is a River.”) And I pray for you today that you will have a friend who remembers the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you forget the words.