We saw this video of the song “Who am I” by Casting Crowns at Jonathan and David’s karate graduation tonight.  They both got their orange belts after 4 months of karate instruction.  Hurray, hurray!!  There are so many lessons to be learned from the discipline and self control used in karate and jujitsu, and it has been such a positive experience for us.  I just thought I’d share this video that his instructor played tonight at the graduation.  It took awhile for us to figure out that it is people dressed in black wearing white gloves and using black lights to make them glow.  Pretty cool.  Enjoy.

What does it look like to walk in the light with each other, in our relationships?  Am I advocating some kind of total openness where you tell your friends absolutely everything and describe how you feel about them every time you’re a little bit upset?  No way.  That would wreak havoc and ruin relationships (especially during certain hormonal times, if you know what i mean.)  What I am suggesting Scripture teaches, is that walking in the light of God’s love and truth brings us to a place of humility where we are able to live without masks.  Without pretending we are better than we are.  Without trying to hide behind performances of our own righteousness.  This makes us better friends, spouses, parents.  This makes us more approachable and enjoyable to almost everyone around us.

I John 1:7  But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

This Scripture tells us that the only way to truly have fellowship with others is to walk in the light.  I think the idea behind this is that there is no such thing as fellowship with a pretend person.  You can only truly share life with a real person.  Look at the picture above:  can you have a meaningful, fulfilling relationship with someone who is two different people under different circumstances?  Maybe this is what we often do with others.  We put our “white side” out for others to see, and we hide the darker, more real, hurting or struggling parts of ourselves.

The only thing that can free us to do this, to live without masks, is growing in the awareness, more and more deeply, that we are loved.  We are beloved of the Lord.  There is no fear in love. . .

We need to ask ourselves two questions when thinking about this in our lives.  First of all, do I have friends with whom I am sharing my real life in an ongoing way, without pretense or masks?  If not, what keeps me from doing so?  This type of friendship is the context in which we learn to live more freely with others in general.  The other question is, how can I be this type of friend to others?  What can I do to be more accepting and more of a “safe place” for my friends?  This is love.

I am continuing to think aloud about this theme of walking in the light as believers. My first post focused on the general idea of walking in God’s light. This one will look more closely at what that looks like in our relationship with ourselves. In the earlier post I wrote that it is possible to be very good morally and religiously and to still be in complete darkness spiritually. At first, that might not seem possible to you. But let me illustrate:

Imagine a situation where a friend or spouse is angry or hurt about something you have done, whether you know it or not. This person is hurt and angry with you, but they just pretend that they are fine. Imagine it is extremely difficult for this person to open up and talk about hurt. So, they try really hard to be nice and act like things are fine, and they smile a lot and act politely toward you. However, inside, they are still nursing a grudge. And at some point, along comes something that ruffles their feathers too much, and their cover is blown. They can’t be nice anymore, and they explode or pout or ignore you.

Do you think that this person was walking in the light while he/she was acting nicely toward you but angry on the inside? I guess it depends. But if this person was not admitting their hurt and anger even to themselves, I would definitely say no. They were walking in darkness. They were refusing to see themselves the way they truly are, and because they were unwilling to face the truth about where they were personally, they were also unable to be authentic in their relationship with the one who offended them, hence the pretending everything is fine. This is walking in darkness.

The place to start coming into the light is by doing so with yourself. To be willing to see yourself as you really are, rather than how you would like to be or how you pretend to be around others. This can be a painful process, to be willing to have the light shine on your inner thoughts and feelings and ambitions and motivations. However, when we remember that we are loved, that the Light is Love, this changes everything. We do not need to fear shame. The One who made us knows us well. The things that are hidden even to ourselves, are known intimately by Him. And he is the one who told the one without sin to cast the first stone.

But, you might ask, what in the world does it mean to walk in the light? First of all, we need to remember we are not required to somehow make our own light and shine it on ourselves. This is not some type of depressing self interrogation and introspection. It is simply and beautifully walking into the light of God’s presence that is already there, and to allow the real you to be seen. It is his job to shine, and it is his love for you that will expose places of darkness in you and then cover you with his love in those places.

Here is an example from my own messy life. A few years ago, there was someone in my life I was really struggling with. Our personalities clashed, and it was difficult for me to get along with this person on the inside. I acted (and rightly so) really nice toward them, but inside me, there were lots of things constantly getting on my nerves. Walking in the light with myself meant for me to be able to admit this to myself in God’s presence. Over and over. For me, there were months of trying to talk honestly with God about my heart. There were many journal entries about how hard this was for me. There was much pleading with God to change my heart and give me love for this person.

And over time that happened. To some extent anyway. I don’t want to give the impression that things are peachy now, but over time, walking in light has brought about some real change in my heart toward this person. That would not have happened if I simply tried hard to be nice and covered up the irritation in my heart, pretending it was not there. I would have become more hard-hearted, rather than growing in love.

1 John 1:5-7 is key. Verse 7 says, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”

I have loved this song from Charlie Peacock for many years. Check it out here:

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from you
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do
What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a saviour

CHORUS
I wanna be in the light as you are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Lord be my light and my salvation
All I want is to be in the light of love
All I want is to be in the light

The disease of the self runs through my blood
Like a cancer fatal to the soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring the sickness under control

(Chorus)

CHORUS 2
I wanna be in the light as you are in the light
Lead me into the presence of the Father
I will follow right behind, true love will find
All I want is to be in the light of love
All I want is to be in the light

Is there such a thing as a man of peace?
If there is, then a man of peace I want to be
I will need your help if I'm ever to be that
If i'm to lay down, lay down, lay down
Then I'll lay my life for my brothers and sisters
I will need your help, Jesus I need your light
Forever shining bright

Today’s women of wow are all of the female Olympians in the Beijing games. My hats of to each of them. I love the swimming, diving, track, gymnastics, all of it!  I honestly cannot imagine the dedication and determination and sheer discipline it takes to get to that point.

I especially want to highlight one athlete, Dara Torres. She is a 41 year old swimmer, and this summer was her fifth Olympics. I am utterly amazed that she has continued to train her body and continues to swim competitively in her 40’s and as a mother. Amazed.

I never have been a super swimmer, but even if I had been, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t still be in that great shape at my age, and I’m only 38. Nor would I be able to balance all that with the joys and responsibilities of motherhood. I think we are all inspired by her presence in the Beijing Olympics and her wonderful sportsmanship as well. You can read more about Dara Torres on her official website here.

Here is another thought on my recent entry regarding whether or not we are supposed to be protecting the reputation of the church. The fact remains clear that the church already has a reputation. The reputation might depend on what particular local church we are talking about. Or if we are thinking about the Christian Church in general, the reputation depends on who holds the opinion.

In other words, in the minds of many people, with whom I might disagree, there already exists a reputation of the church or of Christianity. My desire would not be to protect the reputation of the church, when a certain church or group of Christians has the reputation of being unloving or legalistic or self-righteous. My desire would be to help change that reputation. This would happen, not by showing them a perfect Christian (or a person trying hard to be perfect), but rather by showing them an authentic person who authentically seeks to know the loving, forgiving God of the Scriptures. Part of this authenticity involves admitting when we as the church are struggling to love each other, or when we are prideful, or when we are impotent and worldly. Part of what makes the American Church lack power is our commitment to try harder in the flesh, in our own strength, to prove that we are good.

A couple of months ago I was told by someone I know that I should be more careful about what I write on my blog and that I should be careful to “protect the reputation of the church.” Honestly, I have struggled and thought through this point of view often in the months since this conversation. I still seem to come to the same conclusion I had at that time.

I feel that the Church itself does not need to have its reputation protected. The church is full of imperfect people. The people who make up the church know that. The people who are outside of the Christian church know that too. It seems to me that it is much more helpful to be honest about our struggles both within and without the bounds of our churches, than for us to sugarcoat them with platitudes or pretend that they do not exist. Or maybe worse, for us to try harder not to have the problems we know we have.

After all, why do we need a Savior if we don’t need a Savior? Isn’t that the message of the church? That we are all just as hopeless as everyone else, but that we have found Someone who gives our lives meaning, purpose, and direction? The good news ceases to be good news if we are perfect people who can get our acts together without God. Or if we act like we are. I seem to recall some words from a Galilean carpenter about something similar: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.”

Furthermore, as I read the Scriptures, I see no evidence that God is concerned about protecting the reputation of his people. He seems to tell stories over and over which include huge character flaws in his beloved kids. Just look at Moses, who told God he really didn’t want to go to Pharaoh and lead his people, Abraham, who lied over and over to protect his own skin, Sarah, who laughed at God’s promise of a child in her old age, David, a murderer and adulterer, Rahab, a prostitute, Peter, who didn’t have the guts to even admit he knew Jesus, and the list goes on and on. For me, this is the beauty of the entire drama of Scripture, that very flawed people like me have a God they can count on, and that this God finds joy in expressing his greatness through mundane lives like mine.

Here is an article that talks about the need many people feel after a period of deep immersement in a church to “detox from church.” The author urges all of us to remember: “People are in detox because they love Jesus and have a vision for being His Body in an advancing Kingdom on this earth.” I guess you can tell from some of my entries that I am one of those people. Therefore, this article meant a lot to me. It reminded me that I am not alone in my struggle to reconcile my place in the church. It helped me to realize there are many others out there where I am and for someone else to validate my love for Christ and his church. It also reiterated the point that this does not mean we are not free to say the hard truths we see in the church.

The article reminds us of our tasks as we detox, as well as mistakes we need to avoid. It was a great reminder and challenge to me as I struggle through this whole thing. Oh, and by the way, people who know me know that I love to tell stories on myself as well, that make me look not-so-hot and hopefully make God look really good, like he is. Here are the highlights from the article:

Task: Recapture a vision for the advancing Kingdom, expressed through the body.
Trap: To get sidetracked into attacking the system, which only breeds ongoing bitterness and contempt for the rest of the body.
Task: Allowing God to refine our attitudes, desires, and assumptions.
Trap: Assuming that the log in our own eye doesn’t exist.
Task: For leaders and disillusioned people to walk through this process with some graciousness and long-suffering.
Trap: To separate into increasingly polarized and finger-pointing camps.

Perhaps the biggest task for established churches and newer, de-structured communities (house or coffeehouse), and individuals (like me) will be to remember that this is ultimately God’s thing. It’s His Bride we’re talking about here. God is fully aware of the state the Bride is in. He’s more proactive, loving, and desirous of Her being healthy and attractive than any of us are capable of being. The trap we need to avoid is to let this whole (very necessary) process of detoxing from inadequate models of church leadership and church structure to polarize and further divide the very Bride that we’re so longing to see come to maturity and health.

©2003 Rob McAlpine

It is a tragedy to me that there is even a bumper sticker like the above. It is a tragedy to me that hatred so often typifies the actions of many religious people, even some outspoken Christians. I know that many Christians feel that the media wrongly portrays them, or at the very least jumps on stories that show the bad side of the Church. But we should at least take an honest look at ourselves and at what they are seeing and listen to what they are saying.

Judgement, condemnation, haughtiness, hatred - none of these attitudes are family values. Worse still, none of these are Christlike. And when we use these as means to win our arguments of what a marriage should consist of, or the evils of one thing or another, we are missing something essential.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Cor. 13)

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through LOVE. (Gal. 5:6)

Why is the Church known more for its hatred than its love? Or at least more for its moralizing that for its love?

Thoughts?

The other morning my 7 year old son and I were reading the book of John about how Jesus came into the world and the world didn’t know him, even though he had made the world. This got my son to thinking. He mused aloud, “Is God ever coming back to get us again?” We had a great discussion about how he has promised he will come again, and he will do what he promised, but sometimes we wish it would be NOW.

He said a prayer aloud, “God, please come back and get us; we are hurt.” I thought it was refreshingly simple and honest. Then he quickly added, “But come tomorrow because I’m really excited about our plans for today.” Again, I loved the childlike love of life, even with the honest yearning for God to come make things right. I want to be like that, enjoying the good things in life (a day swimming with friends was enough to make my son pray for God to wait a day. . .) but still yearning for the perfection he promises to restore one day.

You know, I’ve been thinking, and thinking, and trying to understand some things about the Lord’s Supper, Communion, or Eucharist, depending on what tradition you’re from and what you prefer to call it.  My quandry began when my son started asking to take communion at age 6, and he desperately wanted to know why he could not take the juice and cracker served each week at the end of the service at the church we then attended.  That’s a hard one to explain, when he is such a questioner and thinker himself, and he exhibits a clear understanding of the Cross and what Jesus did to save him from his sins. 

And so, firmly believing that an acceptance at the Lord’s Table would deeply encourage his troubled heart, we pursued permission to do so.  It was a bit of an act of congress, but the leadership session decided it would be okay, after Jonathan talked to an elder about his faith and took vows of membership in front of the church.  Now, please know, that this is the usual way of anyone being admitted to the Lord’s Table at our church, so nothing different was demanded of him than of anyone else.  But this young one is troubled by doubts in the form of severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts.  So, this was too strenuous of a demand for him. 

All of that to is say that this has caused me to think, and rethink, and question, and read, and struggle through this whole issue of the Lord’s table and what is called “fencing” the table.  The main place this is discussed in the New Testament is 1 Corinthians 11.  I have read and re-read this passage, and all I can find is a verse that states, “A man (person) ought to examine himself  before he eats the bread and drinks the cup.”  Many churches want to take extra precautions in offering this meal to the very young, because they want to be sure that they understand what they are doing.  I have grown to a different understanding of the purpose of this “feast” as I like to call it.  It is a visual and sensual expression of the free grace that is lavished on anyone who will come.  It prepares the way for children to understand how we come to God, not by being able to articulate everything just right, but by just coming, as a child.

As I pondered this further, I was struck by the first Lord’s Supper, you know the one Jesus himself served his disciples the night he was betrayed, just a few hours prior to that awful event.  It is recorded in several places, but I looked again today at Luke 22.  You know, he gave that meal to all twelve of his disciples.  Even Judas.  Yes, it could be argued rightly from Corinthians, that Judas ate and drank condemnation on himself.  But, still Jesus offered him the meal.  He did not “fence” the table.  He also gave the meal to Peter, who later that same night, denied that he even knew him three times.  Jesus knew he was about to do this, and he even told Peter as much, though Peter did not believe it was possible.

My point is that for weak, sincere, struggling believers, the kind Jesus loved to hang out with, the ones with broken hearts over their sins, this is good news.  The Lord’s Table, like the gospel, is not for those who have it all together, but rather for those who need a real, living, present Saviour, in the messiness of their real lives, real sin struggles, and real doubts and failures, people who have sinned and are going to sin, people who fall and fail and mess up.  People like that should never be turned away.  And that is good news.  Because that is me. 

See what you think of this quote from Wayne Jacobsen:

The free person in Christ and the rebellious will always look the same to those who labor under religious obligation, because both ignore the conventions that govern men and women. But there is a major difference between the two. The rebel does it to serve himself and his passions, always harming others in the process and leaving a wake of anarchy behind him. The free person in Christ, however, does so because they no longer have a need to serve themselves. Having embraced God’s love at a far deeper level than any method of behavioral conformity will touch, they will guard that freedom even if it means others will misunderstand their pursuits. They reject the conventions of control not to please themselves, but Father Himself.

This makes so much sense to me.  And as a matter of fact,  I think I can relate to it so clearly right now because to some people, I look like a rebel right now.  Let me back up - our family has been struggling with some pretty severe stuff with our seven year old son for a couple of years now.  It is in the form of anxiety and explosive behavior for various reasons.  That headed us down a path of not beng able to attend church regularly for his sake.  Then  as time has gone on, other situations and struggles have caused us to question what we believe on certain issues.  We have also felt the need to pull back to be able to do this.  So we haven’t attended church regularly in awhile.  Plus, as we have pulled back, I have felt such incredible freedom that I’ve begun blogging some things which can’t be too popular to those with religious ears.

I am loving newfound freedom to speak and question, to be my hippie-ish self, to think things through for myself, to say what I think, to love those who are very different, and to know I have one leader to follow, Jesus.  And hey, if I look like a rebel to some for doing so, that doesn’t make me one.  Anybody else ever feel that way?